Hey folks…sorry for the lack of posting. School started last week and it took me a while this afternoon to even muster up the energy to write a post. School has been exhausting, busy, and I feel like shit. So i thought that maybe i should try to write out a confession…I think it in my head all the time and i know it but i have never admitted it out loud.
Ok so to start off. I have had friends…6 friends to be exact who i have told about my depression and stuff who have told me i need to tell my parents and go to my doctor and get help. I have thought about it but then have decided no because i dont want my parents to know and something else…
I hate myself…
I hate the way i act i hate the things i do i hate everything I do.
I hate when i complain. I hate when i think i am selfish all the time. I hate when i talk too much. I hate when i mistrust my friends. I hate when I annoy my friends. I hate when I say the wrong things. I hate when i take things too personally. I hate when i cant explain my thoughts. I hate that i dwell on errors i have made. I hate that i am constantly worried about everything. I hate that i am easily overwhelmed. I hate that i get angry so easily. I hate that I get angry at myself. I hate that i get distracted obsessed and sucked into my emotions. I hate that i am paranoid about everything. I hate that I am crazy. I hate that i burden everyone around me. I hate that I hate myself.
I hate that i think that, i hate that i feel that, i hate it, but its true. And i cant change it. No amount of medicine…no amount of therapy…no amount of anything is going to change it, it is the way I am and i just have to survive with it.
Sorry folks for the rant or whatever you want to call that. I will try to post more often!