Me+Brain=Smash

Big thanks to faenendren for reminding me to check my drafts…Here it is in drafts. I tried posting it yesterday and it didnt work again so here i am trying again!

Reading this post over again it isnt very good, just a ton of ramblings so hopefully i will write something better tomorrow!

My brain is my own worst enemy. It takes a little thing and multiplies it by 10,000 causing fear and paranoia. I lightly bumped my head, i have a deadly concussion and i am going to drop dead.

I didn’t tell my dogs I love them and that there the best, something terrible is going to happen to them, there going to think i dont love them or something.

i did something that may have pissed someone off. They are going to form an army against me and kill me.

There are tons of other things but all I know is that im freaking out right now and saying my “phrase” in my head.

My phrase is what i say when im freaked out about anything, it pretty much is telling anything out there to keep my me and my family safe and healthy and happy and then i add to keep me and my family safe from whatever thing im freaking out about. Back when my anxiety issues were bad when i was younger i would say this phrase between 20-80 times a day. Now im down to 10-40 times a day.

other times its just freaking out about things like if people hate me if people know and other things. 

My brain overthinks everything, calculates everything to extremes. My brain overloads and starts thinking about everything and anything all at once and all i want to do is just smash my head against a wall and watch my brain ooze out…its kind of scary that i think about that but i do and sometimes thats all i want to do, i want my brain to stop, i want my brain to be normal and healthy and not freaking, depressed, and scary.

Right now im freaking out and thinking about tons of stuff and i just want it to stop right now………one smash could change that.

Well hopefully i have something not as stupid tomorrow, night everyone!

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