One moment yes, then the next no. I’m still throwing the idea of going to a psychiatrist around in my mind. One day I think that i should go and that it would be good for me. Even though it may be difficult it will help and i’ll get better or something. Then the next day I think that i shouldn’t go, that it’s not that bad and i should just suck it up. I think that its my fault that i’m screwed up and that i need to figure it out on my own, that it isn’t worth anyone’s trouble.
What will likely end up happening is that i’ll keep throwing it back and forward in my mind, one day yes, the next day no. Until it slowly fades from my mind…unless it is brought up again.
Last night i was thinking about going, i had thought of exactly what i was going to say to my mom asking if i could go see a psychiatrist. I was pretty much dead set on it. I switched again today…to “Its my fault i should just suck it up” and “its not that bad” . On and on it will go, round and round.
In other news i stumbled across this song this week called Open Up Slowly by Hudson. Its a nice and slow melody…Some of the lyrics i can REALLY relate too.
Especially these two lines:
“Been lying low, making mountains out of mole hills in your mind
Bad feelings grow, so they’re manifesting all the time ”
Also some other ones i can relate to.
“Don’t you worry that you’re in this game all on your own
I’m right beside you, I’ll catch you if you slip or trip or fall
So take my hand and we’ll walk from this darkened room for good ”
Sometimes I just want someone catch me and take my hand…
Link to the song: http://hudsonmusic.com.au/track/open-up-slowly