“Man Up”

God I hate that phrase…”Man Up”. I could go into all the connotations and stuff but i dont want to im sure its been discussed before.

Anyways i absolutely despise that phrase, and it just so happens its one of my dads favorites. For pretty much every situation he finds a way to use the phrase man up, it makes me cringe every time.

Whenever I hear it I feel ashamed, guilty and just overall terrible. I dont know maybe its because i feel like im not “man enough” because im not normal. Eh anyways i feel ashamed whenever i hear it.

Tonight my dad said it and it wasn’t even direct at me but it made me feel worthless. It made me think about my decision of going and seeing a psychiatrist and it made me regret it more and more. My mom keeps talking about it, she got a name of a person and stuff and every single time I get so upset and try to change the subject. 

I really dont want to go. I’ve been hoping my mom will just forget about it but so far she hasn’t so now its time to start thinking of excuses not to go or something.

I know i should probably just stick through all this regret and dread and go but I dont think I can, I just really dont want to go. Maybe i’m not ready who knows.

P.S I know i typically just write about whatever happens/ whatever pops up in my mind but if there is anything you want me to write about comment and let me know, it’s winter break and I dont have much to do. I have a few ideas in mind about what i want to write about but anything in particular let me know! 

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