A little background: My dad and i have never had a good relationship, he wasn’t around a ton due to traveling around for work and when he was home he was always mean. I remember when I was younger he would yell at us and pick us up and throw us onto the bed when he got really angry…he never hit us or anything just grabbed us roughly and stuff. Some people would say it was child abuse but im not really sure if it is.
Anways so tonight we were eating dinner and something happened im not really sure what, i did something wrong…and my dad just looks at me and i finally realized…its the look…the look he gives you when you do something wrong…its like he is looking down on you, like he believes he is a god and truly believes that he is better than you, more worthy than you. It makes my blood boil.
I should hate him, the way he treated my family when years ago and now…but for some reason i defend him I tell myself oh no he isn’t too bad, he is a good father, and that he isn’t so mean…and honestly i shouldn’t be. Even if i do continue to defend him and cant truly hate him one of my worst fears will always be becoming my dad.