Paranoia & People

Have I been dealing with anxiety issues so long that some things that are unusual have become completely normal for me?

As you may or may not know if you read the intro is that I live in Seattle…If you didn’t, well know you do. As you all probably know the Seahawks won the superbowl. This is the first superbowl the Seahawks have won so the city is going crazy and there is a huge victory parade tomorrow in the city. It’s expected that 300,000-500,000 people are going to the parade and about half of my school will also be going to the parade. I could go if i wanted to too and I was actually going to go until I thought about 1 thing. Security.

Originally I was just concerned about getting into the city, finding parking, and the amount of people but I thought that i would figure it out and that I could deal with the people, but once i thought about security, it was decided, NO.

When i thought of it i was instantly gripped with fear and thoughts of what if a shooting happen what if a bombing happened what if what if what if, the possibilites kept going on and on and on. After that I thought about how unlucky I was and that if i went something would happen. So i decided, no I wouldn’t go. 

Anyways people told me there wasn’t any risk and that it would be ok all that stuff but i just have a bad feeling that if i were to go something would happen.

A little bit later I was texting my sister about it and I told her that it would be dangerous and chaotic and she texted me “Okay…but there will always be security threats M…cant live your life expecting the worst”. That text hit me…I realized that this is what I always do, i always expect the worst, i always worry about everything possible. How long have i been living this way? since 4th grade…since I was 9 years old…almost half of my life. And this life has become the norm for me. What have I missed out on?

Sadly in the end this realization wont change a damn thing.


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