Faltered

I’m not sure if I have talked about my father on here much before or not so before I talk about what happened I will provide a brief intro.

My father seems like a nice guy to the people who have met him…He has good social skills…like all con men do. People say he is nice…but he is a monster. He loves to bolster himself up by making other people feel terrible. It’s almost as if he thinks he is a god of some sort. He loves to pick fights to make himself feel good.

When I was younger I would always stoop down to his level…yelling and fighting. As I got older I became wiser, I knew his threats were empty…I would just say ok and walk away…deflecting any attempt to fight he threw. In the beginning, I was clumsy, occasionally being grazed by his blows, but I learned. Eventually I became more agile, able to detect an attack and and stop it before it began.

I’ve slowly become confident, poking at him, testing the limits.

Tonight began by doing some tests…but I faltered…he got me, changing the subject multiple times, confusing me…I lost control. He got me in his grip and that was it. I stooped down to his level again, yelling and showing emotion…just like he wanted me to. He had suceeded, he had won.

I lost control, I let him win, I hate myself for letting him win, that i stooped down to his lowly level…

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One thought on “Faltered

  1. Oh god, what an awful situation. I do hope you’re not blaming yourself for losing control. I know it’s not a valid comparison, but I think any court would allow extreme provocation.

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