I’m beginning to realize that this year wont be like last year. I’m beginning to realize that these scars wont fade like the ones before. A few months ago I was hoping that I could get them to go away before it started becoming weird to wear a sweatshirt. I was quick to push the thoughts that the scars wouldn’t go away out of my mind.
Now that were beginning to get to that point where the sweaters get packed away, I’m not sure what to do.
Some people are very comfortable with their scars, but i’m not…not one bit. I’m also not very comfortable with seeing other peoples scars. There are people at my school who cut and they don’t hide their scars and it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and I am fairly certain that it makes other people uncomfortable too. I mean they are not normal and it’s hard not to stare at them…I dont know, maybe that means I am a terrible person but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. Therefore I dont want to put other people into that situation and make them feel uncomfortable. I mean sure if I am with close friends who know and its really hot in a room or something and I really need to roll up my sleeves I will. When I do I always feel terrible doing it so I only do it when I really cant stand it.
Scars are awkward, unless they are from ‘cool things’…self harm due to depression and anxiety are NOT ‘cool things’. Also guy’s don’t typically cut from my experiences so it makes it even more awkward for me when people find out, it makes me feel even more ashamed.
Adding onto the pile of reasons I also just dont want people to know in general and if these scars dont fade some people who I really dont want to find out are going to do exactly that.
The list of reasons I cant have these scars go on and on. In the end these scars need to go away but even my arm has gotten tired of hiding.