I have the sudden urge to do something wild. I want to go to some wild rave party and dance and drink until the sun rises. I want to drive until I get to somewhere beautiful that I have never been to before. I want to bungee jump of the space needle, or hijack a boat and go sail into the middle of the ocean. I want to do something wild, crazy, and dangerous, but I dont know what.
Maybe it’s because I want to do something memorable, the last few years of my life with the exception of a few things have been completely forgetable, the days have blurred together. I cant believe its April, it feels like its November to me, I have no recollection of whats happened the last 6 months.
I even caught myself thinking about what drugs are like. My typical thought process on drugs is an automatic NO, but now i’m thinking maybe, in a logical mindset I would probably turn it down but as you guys can probably tell my mindset isn’t very stable at the moment (I probably still wouldn’t but idk). I’m desperate, there is so much built up inside me, I feel like im angrier than I have ever been before, I’ve been having more and more violent thoughts, and i’m scared. I’m scared of all these thoughts and cravings and everything. I want to scream and explode, i’ll do anything to feel something at this point.