Well, i’ve been given the run around…and I am not happy to say the least.
Last summer when I started this blog I mentioned that I worked with kids. It was an amazing summer job and it made me so happy, despite how tired I was at the end of every day. Well I went to apply for the job again this summer and discovered that there were a lot of changes going on in the organization. This meant that a different person was running it, there would be less students, and there would be less job openings. I figured that because I had been at the organization for 3 years, volunteering many hours for 2 of those summers before being paid the 3rd summer, that even if it was a different person there would be a decent chance that I would get the job because they would see all the work I have done in the program on my resume. The organization is always last minute so I finally did a phone interview in mid june. The phone interview was simple but incredibly stressful, I was sweating like crazy, my heart was racing, and my hands were shaking. After a few days I got an email that I didn’t get the job. I understood that I was a teenager trying to work in a very ‘adult’ field, although I was still upset. (This is organization A, the labeling will make sense later)
After this I started looking for other jobs and got a job working at another organization working with kids but instead of working 25 hours a week like I did last year for 15$, I will be working 4 & 1/2 hours a week for 15$. This meant that I would be making significantly less money which was dissapointing but I was glad to be able to work some doing something that I love to do. (This is organization B)
Fast forward to Thursday: I got a phone call from the director of the program at organization A that I worked for last summer saying that someone had dropped out and they were wondering if I could do it. I was estatic to say the least and was jumping for joy. It meant that I would have to cancel some hours at organization B though. I went in for an interview on Friday which was mainly just a formality before I got the job, the director told me once they did the background check they would send me the offer letter and I would have the job. So that afternoon I emailed organization B telling them that I had a bit of a dilemma and tried to explain that I really just needed as many hours as possible. The director of organization B was a little upset understandably considering she pulled strings to get me work but she seemed to understand.
This afternoon while out with a friend I got a phone call from the director of organization A, I was driving though so I couldn’t pick it up. I saw the number and knew it was her and started panicking about what the call could be about. I was driving for another 45 minutes before I could listen to the voicemail and that entire time my heart was racing and I was freaking out. Finally I am able to pull over and I listen to the voicemail, and just like I had expected, it was bad news. Apparently their new licensing made it so that they couldnt hire people under 18. The director was dissapointed and so was I. Not only was I dissapointed but I was a bit furious too. I called saying that maybe they could avoid that by making me a paid intern but she didn’t think that was possible.
So this organization just gave me a 3 week run around and in the past 3 days made me go on an emotional rollercoaster from feeling really excited and happy to very angry and sad. So now I have to email organization B and tell them that I didnt get the extra hours and that I will be able to do the hours that I would have had to drop. I feel so bad to email them saying that I probably wouldn’t be able to do them to now saying that I can. Ugh I feel terrible.
All I want to do right now is cut. I want to cry but I can’t. I want to release but I can’t. I want to explode but I can’t. I want to scream but I can’t. I can scream on my arm though. I need to release, I need to scream, I need to explode, I need to feel, I need to cut. AGH