A life update I suppose

A little life update I suppose while i procrastinate on doing work. Hmmm where to begin…

I guess I’ll start with work. Work is good, if you didn’t read my last post about work you can read it here. Originally it looked like I would only be working about 4-5 hours a week but multiple opprotunities arose so I am now working about 23 hours a week which is super awesome…problem is I am all of a sudden working 7 days a week and I am not quite sure how it happened. While I want to work as many hours as possible, 7 days a week is a little overwhelming and makes it not as fun as it is. So I am going to ask and see if I can get one day a week off.

Also what I am doing this summer, while in the same field, is a lot different which kind of freaks me out and I am not quite sure why. I’ll get used to it I guess.

Moving right along…

I have been getting quite anxious about things this week to the point where I kind of dont want to leave the house. I got incredibly worked up over going to work one day and one day I had a bit of a panic attack about going to the grocery store. While I have anxiety problems I don’t get actual panic attacks very often and I have been getting small ones a lot more recently which is a little annoying.

Hmmm what else.

Oh computer. Well I have been obsessing over that more than ever and I’m starting to piss off my friends because I keep talking to myself about it to them kind of looking for there confirmation or advice. (Side note, I always have to get confirmation from other people before I do things, and it is such a bad habit and kind of extreme and really bad…I’ve been meaning to write a post about it for a good 6 months but I haven’t gotten around to it.) So my dad wanted me to talk to my sister about computers and stuff because aparently she has do research so we all had a conversation and my sister, who also wants a new computer, kind of sabotaged the whole me getting a new computer and pretty much convinced my dad that I shouldn’t get a new computer which was very upsetting. I am going to try again to express a point I kind of forgot to express in the previous conversation. My current computer (A surface pro 1) is a decent computer, the battery life kind of sucks, about 3-4 hours, but it is a good tablet, problem is, its just a good tablet, it is kind of a terrible laptop and I have discovered what I need is a laptop, not a tablet. So ya hopefully I can get that point across.

aaand last but not least (That I can think of for the moment) School work…

I am supposed to be doing a ton of work that was assigned to me on thursday night that is due tomorrow midday that I haven’t had anytime to do, I was out of the house working all day thursday and I was out of the house all day today working, and then I am gone tomorrow morning before my SAT tutor comes doing, you guessed it, working. I dont know how I am going to get all this work done and I really dont want to, problem is my tutor is super nice and sweet and I love her so I always feel SO bad when I dont get all of my work done. Agh I need to do this work but I really really really dont want to, all I want to do is sleep, i am so exhausted all the time and I am so damn sick of it. Why am I so damn tired all the time?!?! Ugh…

Depression wise I have had some pretty bad days over the last few weeks and the rest have pretty much been meh days…No self harm for a couple weeks though so thats good I suppose. I want to scream so bad though…

Well thats about all I can think about writing at the moment.  

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