I’m not sure if I have ever been so glad for something to be over…I AM DONE WITH THE SAT!!! The first half of the test my chest hurt like crazy due to my anxiety and I felt like a couldnt breathe, then after that I was just too exhausted to even care. IT doesnt matter though because I am done.
The drive home upped my stress and anger levels as it is already a 40 minute drive home from the test, not including the traffic caused my a downpour of rain. It is amazing and truly unfathomable that people in Seattle cannot drive in the rain.
Later in the evening there was a thunderstorm heading toward my area so I decided to take a drive to get a good view of it. Well once the rain started I hit traffic everywhere so I ended up missing most of the storm, I did get to see a few bolts though.
I had a pretty good week despite the anxiety and panic attacks over the SAT, that is until now, for depression and anger has kicked in. I am so angry at everyone, I hate everyone except for you guys, I hate my best friends, I hate random people on the street, I hate them all! It’s irrational and I shouldn’t hate my best friends but I do and it happens and it makes me feel so guilty :(. I’m so tired and angry right now and I feel like I cant breathe. I need a release, I need to scream, I want to cut so badly right now, its irrational and i’ll regret it later but I want to, and its getting colder now so I dont have to hide it and do it on my shoulder, I can do it on my wrist again, and I think i’ll do it there instead of my shoulder. Why, because why fucking not, it doesn’t fucking matter, I already have scars on my wrist. It doesnt matter! Fuck everything!