Freaking Out a bit

This week has been an interesting week. Sunday night I felt really bad and ended up cutting, I did it on my wrist for the first time since winter. I expected to wake up the next morning feeling exhausted and depressed, but despite tossing and turning all night, I woke up exhausted as usual but soon but by the middle of the day I started having energy and feeling determined. I had a busy afternoon but I was shockingly somewhat productive. I went to bed and again tossed and turned most of the night but again woke up with determination, I was shocked. I was determined all day tuesday and got stuff done, and also said yes to a lot of things. I spent a lot of time working on stuff Tuesday night and was again productive, and went to bed and spent most of the night tossing and turning. I woke up this morning feeling determined again, but soon after waking up it all came crashing down.

All of a sudden I found myself in the depths of depression and anger. Maybe it was the pouring rain, maybe it was all too good to be true. Anyway today sucked.

I had a kind of encounter with the school counselor this morning. I was at school a bit early and I walked into the english and history building to stay dry while heading to the technology and language building. I walked in the front doors and in the hallway was the school counselor. She smiled at me and I smiled back and she turned to the right toward doors to the technology language building which was where I was heading. I didnt want to walk the same way she was heading so I took a left to go upstairs. As I turned left I saw her turn around and start heading toward me. I quickly walked up the stairs and as I glanced around for a second I saw her turn the other way to the right where she was originally heading. That made me think that she wanted to talk to me which that in itself freaked me out.

Then to make everything worse I was working on a science lab report with a friend in free block. Sometime while we were working toghet I rolled up both of my sleeves, revealing the cuts. The friend who I was working on the lab report with is good friends with the school counselor because they run a community club together. I don’t know how long my cuts were showing but I am really freaked out that my friend saw them and is going to tell the school counselor. As soon as I noticed that I accidentally rolled my sleeves up I freaked out and rolled them down. I have no idea if they saw them or how long I had my sleeves rolled up but I am freaking out. agh!

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4 thoughts on “Freaking Out a bit

    • part of me wants it but I had to go and talk to her I spewed so many lies to get out of there so she wouldn’t tell my parents. If I go back in there and tell them the truth she will most certainly tell my parents.

      • I know what you mean; but maybe a little talking might help. Maybe they should know that you’re not feeling a hundred per cent

      • Yeah maybe but they cant know. My mom has some issues and stuff and she leans on my when she needs to. If she finds out about whats going on with me she wont lean on me anymore and she needs to lean on somebody and there is nobody else for her to lean on besides me. It’s complicated…

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