Hi everyone, it’s been a while, how have you all been doing? Me? Well i’ve actually been doing pretty well the last month or so. Last I left you guys I was talking about going and seeing a physciatrist. Well after many days of phone tags and leaving voicemails I am going into her office and talking with her saturday morning.
I am honestly so scared and nervous. I mean what if its all nothing.
I feel like I shouldnt be coming in because I am fine and over the past 3 or 4 weeks I have felt pretty good for the most part, I haven’t really had any days with like major depression. I have had some days of being very angry and a lot of meh days and a few kind of sucky days but nothing extreme that has made me want to cut or anything. Because of this I feel like I am getting better and I should just cancel the meeting because I am fine.
GAH SO CONFLICTING! I honestly kind of wish I was super depressed right now so I would at least have reason and validation to go.
My friends who have been helping me through all the shit i’ve been going through keep saying they are proud of me for going but I feel so damn guilty. I confided in them about how i’ve been doing well the last month or so and am really close to just canceling the appointment. They kept trying to reassure me saying I go through waves and that I will have a few good weeks then I will have a few weeks where im angry at everything and always anxious and depressed. I don’t know though. I dont remember a time where I have gone almost a month without going really far down so to say, but I dont know maybe I have a lot of the last few years has been a blur. I mean I have had small ups and downs over the last month but…I dont know. BLAH! What if its all nothing!
Sorry for the hiatus! I hope you all are doing well!