So far I have met with my therapist twice. We’ll call her C for the sake of privacy and also that is what everyone is doing.
So the session’s have been going fairly well…we’ve been talking about all sorts of stuff but we have mainly been talking about family and anger at the moment. In our first sention I talked about the depression a bit but lately I have been angry a lot so we have only really been talking about that so right now I kinda think she thinks i am just an angsty teen with anger issues.
During the first session I told her how I was exhausted and run down all the time so she wanted me to get a blood test for things like hypothyroidism and low iron levels because one of their symptoms is depression and exhaustion. So I went and got a blood test done this week and all the tests turned up normal. I wasn’t really expected to be upset over the fact that they all came up normal but I did. I guess I was hoping that what was wrong with me would be something physiological rather than mental, so that my brain wasn’t fucked up and so I had a definetive answer on what was wrong and going on. I haven’t met with her since the blood test results because its Thanksgiving weekend.
So I guess now that we have ruled out physiological reasons I guess we will focus more on mental illness reasons. She has talked about depression multiple times during our sessions and has kind of used that word to describe what im going through so I don’t know…we’ll see. I’m kind of getting impatient over the whole thing and I kind of just want to know what the hell is wrong with me already so I have an answer and a name. I hate not knowing!
I still haven’t really had a long stretch of feeling depressed since October. Of course right when I start seeing someone the issues kind of goes away. I have had a couple of bad days and I did cut last week but its not nearly like my usually bouts of feeling depressed and worthless.
Gah I dont know, we’ll see what happens, I just want to know already! I need to know that its not nothing.