Swingin this week

I’ve been having mood swings over the last few weeks and the last few months and they have been more noticable than before. A little over a month ago I had a major dip below my baseline and I felt so bad I couldnt do anything, couldnt smile, couldnt laugh, couldnt stand to be around people. It was bad. A few weeks after that I had a high above my usual baseline of feeling crappy and exhausted and I was kind of happy and felt like I could do some things. I went back down to my baseline and then this week I had a lot of little ups and downs. Monday and Tuesday were really great because I got into my top college and a lot of my other friends were getting into their schools and it was really great and I didnt have a lot of stresses, it started going downhill quickly on Wednesday though and Thursday and Friday I felt like crap and I cut and I was so angry, the angriest ive been since I started the meds but I still had some ups during Thursday and Friday. Now this weekend has been very meh.

I had my weekly meeting with my therapist on Saturday and told her about it and stuff and she is going to talk with R, the person who handles my medications about it. Last time I met with R I was in that kind of high phase and we both thought that maybe the Cymbalta was helping at least a bit so I feel bad having to go back into see her and telling her that its not working. Last time we met she told me that I had to really keep an eye on any mood swings and stuff and tell her if anything happens.

From the start we were going to keep an eye on the mood swings because while I had this kind of cylcing swings but I was just diagnosed as Depression not Bipolar because I didn’t really have mania. I have always thought there was a possibility that I had Bi Polar 2 because while im depressed most of the time I have these swings and sometimes I get very angry which can be a symptom of hypomania and mixed states. I feel like when I go in to see R again we might talk about that because the anti depressants haven’t been working very well and sometimes anti depressants not working or making mood swings worse is a sign of bi polar instead of depression. I don’t know…its probably just depression and I’m just getting obsessive over my mental health and am trying to self diagnose like I did all the time before I got actually diagnosed. I just want to know whats wrong and find something that works already.


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