Its just another wonderful day in the life of me…we’ll I guess last few days. Please tell me if you guys hate these kinds of posts.
Well I had freshman orientation Thursday and Friday which was really fucking scary. I come from a really small private school where our whole high school was about 250 people with about the same in the middle school. Well I had been going to that school for 7 years, living in my sheltered little bubble that I learned to despise. Well in college, unlike most of my friends, I am going to a large public university. The reason that I am going to a big school is mainly because I don’t have any other choice if I want to pursue my major. Well before orientation I kept reassuring myself that it would be okay going to a big school because my major is small. Well when I got to orientation there were like 300-350 people there. Just in one orientation session out of many going on throughout the summer. To say I started to panic was quite the understatement. Anyway I spent a lot of the time freaking out. One of my big concerns was the fact that I wouldn’t make any friends but I actually met one person in my smaller group who i hung out with most the time so I think she is my friend? I’m not quite sure, we friended each other on facebook. Does that mean we’re friends?
Well the second day of orientation we registered for classes, and that was reassuring for a little while because the graduating class of the college im in was 12 people last year and everyone had jobs within 30 days of graduating. If I remember correctly there are about 60 undergraduates with my major so its a small community which is nice. Then I realized how screwed I am for classes, there was one other girl in my major at my orientation so we registered for classes together and she was taking Math 1080 (Calc 1) and Writing 2010 along with ATMOS (Weather) 1020 because she was already in the process of taking 1010 this summer. I on the other hand am taking Math 1040 (Pre Calc) and Writing 1010 (the basic basic english) and ATMOS 1010 which is the intro weather course. This kind of sucks cause i’ve already taken Calculus and the humanities department at my high school was/is superb and I can write essays and research papers really well, but it doesn’t matter because my SAT scores weren’t up to those levels, cause I suck at testing. They’ll all probably be easy A’s but I still feel so stupid and I feel like I am so screwed and the school is too big and I honestly feel like i’ve made an awful mistake.
Now we’ll completely shift gears to money! I’m not sure if I told you guys or not but I was asked to display a few of my prints for sale in a clinic in the valley by my house. The director of the clinic and I decided on 3 prints that we were going to do and we were going to try and get them in by the 4th of July because the town has a big celebration and they have an open house the whole day. We originally planned on doing Canvas Wrap prints, but that evening I discovered that canvas wraps are like 150$ a piece and I couldn’t invest almost 500$ into this without knowing for certain if I would make any money of my prints. Well I messaged the director talking about possible alternatives, one of those being a double weighted matboard mount instead of canvas wraps. She didn’t respond for 3 days and it takes a while to get these prints done so I decided to go ahead and order them so I would be able to get them in by the 4th. Well I ordered them last night, and today i get a message from the director saying she didn’t want matboard and was willing to pay for two of the prints to be a canvas wrap and not actually have them for sale.
That wouldn’t be an issue except for the fact that I ALREADY ORDERED THE FUCKING PRINTS! I read this message right as I headed into a long no service zone in the middle of the mountains. So guess what happened, PANICKING! Wohoo. Well I tried calling the photo lab and the phone line had a large volume of people, I tried live chat and that was busy too, so I ended up having to send them an email explaining my situation in the brief moments of cell connection in the mountains. I asked if they could cancel the order. So hopefully they haven’t started printing them yet otherwise I am going to have 250$ worth of prints that I have nothing to do with and cant really afford. I really fucking hope I can cancel the prints! I’m really nervous that they wont respond until Monday because its a weekend, if that is the case then I am so so so so screwed. Ugh this is such a shitty situation!
Wow that was a really long post. I just really want someone to comfort me and tell me that all of this is going to be okay and figure it out for me so I can just sit under the covers and sleep for days.
Side note about mood, I think im about to head back into a depressive phase. I’m not really happy im just really meh at the moment and kind of sad/hollow at times. I kinda want to cut but I really don’t know why.
P.S I finished the book that I was reading and I need some recommendations. I’ve been on a big theme of YA young adult novels about mental illness, like Schizo, the book I just finished, and others like Impulse and All The Bright Places.
I apologize for anyone who has to read this shit writing that I just put together, and if you made it to here….well…congratulations, you get a brownie point from me. Blah its 11:20 so im gonna stop talking and go to bed.