Suicidal friend update part 2

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my friend, and a lot has happened.
Shortly after I posted an update about her right after the 4th of July she went to a hospital to be evaluated on whether she should be inpatient or outpatient. They quickly came to the decision that she should be inpatient. So in she went to the hospital. I went and visited her the first night, and then the second night. After that I couldn’t visit for 3 days because I was out of town. Once I got back from my trip my days soon revolved around her. I visited her every single day during visiting hours.

It was scary going in there, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that I might end up in a hospital like that some day. I soon began having nightmares about the hospital. I also feared for her general safety in there. She ended up staying in the hospital for a little over two weeks, and I visited every day after my vacation.

The whole thing situation from before she went into the hospital took a significant toll on me. I think I felt it the most right before she went into the hospital. Once she was in the hospital I felt a little relieved that she would be safe in there, but the whole situation continued to take its toll.

Eventually she got out of the hospital and I quickly went back to spending most of my days with her to keep her occupied. In the beginning of the summer her parents offered to pay for a trip for her out to Cape Cod MA where I have a beach house and where a few friends of ours also have houses out there. At first she didn’t do much but she brought the idea up to her mom again at the end of July, less than a week before I was going to leave.

Within a couple of days we book flights and hotels. Her parents also payed for my best friend, the one other friend who knew about her issues and hospitalization, to go with her and pretty much watch her. I was very hesitant to let her come out as it was my trip and the cape is always a very relaxing place for me. And I certainly needed the relaxation after how awful the last couple of months had been.

They were only staying for 4 nights and I was staying for 8 nights so I figured I would have a few days to decompress after.

The day after we got there we had a big get together with all of our friends who were on the cape and had a great time, she was out of it by the second half of the day though. Wednesday those same friends came over to my house to sit on the beach and swim. Again she was out of it by the second half of the day.

The third day it was just me and her on the beach as my other friend went to go see her friend sail at a regatta in the morning. By that time my friend was very stressed out and needed a break. My friend told me that she found her in the closet the night before after my friend was in the bathroom. My friend thought that she had left the hotel room. She responded saying that she thought about it and said how she didn’t want to go home and see her parents again and how she didn’t want to go to college.

That should have been a serious warning sign for my friend and I. The night of the third day the three of us went to get ice cream and watched the sunset from the beach, and we honestly all had a great time. I dropped them off at the hotel a little while after sunset.

About 10 minutes after I got home I got a frantic call from my friend saying that she had run out of the room when my friend was in the bathroom. I grabbed the keys and jumped in the car, speeding like crazy to get over to the hotel. When I was about half a mile to the hotel I saw a dark figure on the side of the road, standing inches from cars going 50mph down the highway. I slammed on my brakes, pulled a u-turn right there. Stopped the car and screamed “Get in the fucking car!” We didn’t say anything on the short drive back to the hotel. My friend and I met outside the room while she was still in the car. We briefly talked about how upset we were and quickly decided to call her mother and explain the situation, which when she found out that I was talking to her mom, she was very distraught.

We eventually got her into the hotel room and spent hours trying to figure out what to do with her. My friend and I obviously couldn’t stay up all night to make sure she was there. With the help of her therapist on the phone we eventually convinced her to go to the hospital voluntarily. My friend and I stayed at the hospital until 2:30am when we found out that she would be spending the night at the hotel. By this time her mom was already getting on a plane to fly out to the east coast.

The next morning my friend and I went out to breakfast and soon received multiple phone calls from her. Eventually I picked up. Turns out she had just discovered that her mom was at the airport. She screamed at me for a good 15 minutes saying how my friend and I didn’t love her and how we were putting her in the hands of the person who triggered her to most. She said we hated her, lied to her, and couldn’t deal with her anymore. She stated that the we were the only two people who prevented her from killing herself and now no one could prevent her. She also said that if we really cared about her we would have stayed up all night with her to make sure she was okay. Long story short she pretty much said every hurtful and manipulative thing that she could.

Eventually I just decided to tell her that I had to go and hung up the phone. My friend and I had brought her stuff over to my house so that we could check out of their hotel in the morning. So we had to figure out a way to get the stuff to her so she could fly home. I don’t want to explain the whole thing cause this is getting very long but at first she stated that she wouldn’t go anywhere with her mom but eventually said she could go in the car up to the airport with her mom as long as my friend was there and her mom couldn’t say anything to her. So we met at a shopping center near my house that evening to give her her stuff. Her mom went into panera bread to get some food and we pretty much just stood around awkwardly for like 5 minutes.

I pretty much haven’t talked to her since besides saying that I needed space once she left. She texted me a couple of days ago attacking me asking “Am I still to much to handle? Do you still need some space?” I chose the ignore it.

She also told another friend of ours, a friend from the cape, about the whole situation. This friend texted me a rather ballsy text saying that she understood that I was upset but stated that she really needed us during this time. Pretty much she moved on to someone else to get sympathy from because my friend and I weren’t giving it to her anymore.

So yeah all that happened…and damn it was hard…that night was so fucking hard. I feel so hurt and betrayed. Looking back my friend and I both see that she was planning it all along, which hurts me even more.

Both of my doctors agree that she has a serious personality disorder (likely BPD) and needs to get serious help (duh). I need space right now, packing for college is overwhelming enough, this whole situation is just too much for me and is taking a serious toll on me, it doesn’t help that im also in a depressive episode right now. Looking back I can see just how manipulative she has been. I hope that she gets the help that she needs but our friendship will never be the same.

Sorry I just realized that I only referred to people by She or My friend…which will probably be hard to follow, but im too tired right now to change it. Sorry.

She = Suicidal friend
My friend = My best friend who came on the trip with “She”
Other friend = Other friend from the cape who is now “she’s” go to sympathy person.

Holy hell this is 1,500 words…as long as my life story post. This actually kind of pisses me off that so much of my  summer has revolved around her and that I can write this much about her. Gr.

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